tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post5153562283623841395..comments2023-10-22T05:25:33.861-05:00Comments on Waiting for Eden: Well Meaning AAWomen and Hairtricehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06435119562366767607noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-36074794438800303292009-01-29T16:27:00.000-06:002009-01-29T16:27:00.000-06:00This was a good topic to bring up. As a white wom...This was a good topic to bring up. As a white woman contemplating an adoption from Ethiopia, the hair care is definitely something that I am concerned with, especially because I am one of those people that does not have to spend too much time thinking about or doing much with my own hair or my bio daughter's hair. I have seen some interesting things with white parents of black children. I mostly see white women thinking that they need to do a really good job all by themselves with their black children's hair and skin and feel very defensive if a black woman comments on their child's hair. They feel as though they failed to do a good job and now they are being judged by the black community as unfit to parent their child. I know a white mother of a AA boy that lied and said she was black in order to join an online community focusing on dreadlocks so that she could get info she needed for caring for her son's hair. I also know that when I am going around town with my AA friends, it is interesting to see how most will feel free to talk hair with total strangers and exchange info freely. It is almost like an opening line that strikes up new friendships. I have never seen it not be a very friendly exchange. I can say that this would not likely happen between white women. Most white women do not talk to strangers about hair and will only mention how a friend's hair looks if it is drastically different and would be rude not to notice. I think that white women with black children need to learn that it is okay for "well meaning AA ladies" to approach them with suggestions. Apparently, most of the time it is meant to be a friendly conversation starter or something that would be done whether the mother is white or black. I think that more mothers need to be aware of this as some just see it as disapproval or a "you aren't good enough or aren't doing it right" slam. A helpful suggestion does not automatically mean that "OMG, you need help", but I'd imagine that there are a lot of us that really do need help, know we need help, and just get bent about it. I wish you well with your adoption. Hope it is as swift as possible. Thanks for your perspective!Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14226520623360461320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-34359412347586798522009-01-19T14:10:00.000-06:002009-01-19T14:10:00.000-06:00Thank you for this post. I'm adopting (single fro...Thank you for this post. I'm adopting (single from hopefully Ethiopia), and the hair thing is something I've worried about. I have enough AA friends to know that hair is a big deal, but that's it. Since I live in a predominantly AA neighborhood, I know my child will have mostly AA classmates. I don't want her to be the only girl whose hair looks like she doesn't have a mama! <BR/><BR/>I've actually been wondering whether or not it would be considered tacky or inappropriate to just ask my friends or students for advice. I'm hoping folks just offer it up. ...because I'm going to need it!Susan Ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15022110702225190815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-40940842625948918682009-01-16T23:13:00.000-06:002009-01-16T23:13:00.000-06:00I think that as a white mother of an AA daughter y...I think that as a white mother of an AA daughter you get so many opinions that contradict each other that it is hard to decipher what is the "right" thing to do. So we seek advice from trusted AA friends and try to find what works for our child's hair.Kimberleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14108003635357075262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-37177854268270191402009-01-16T01:28:00.000-06:002009-01-16T01:28:00.000-06:00I cannot imagine what is wrong with a white woman ...I cannot imagine what is wrong with a white woman who would resent the advice of a black woman on dealing with black hair! Some people just have a complex, I guess. Great post.K Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07539953196955372958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-44925027276715226712009-01-09T07:38:00.000-06:002009-01-09T07:38:00.000-06:00I am catchign up on blogs a bit late, but I wanted...I am catchign up on blogs a bit late, but I wanted to comment. As a white woman with a black child, I sooooo appreciate when any AA woman gives me advice on my daughter's hair. I now understand that this is a huge part of AA culture. I want to know how to take care of it and style it help her to love it. I would never be able to do that without the help of AA friends and strangers who approach me with a tip. I welcome it.Aimeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13636692599781013505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-64775674589017356442008-12-29T23:42:00.000-06:002008-12-29T23:42:00.000-06:00Amen!!!!!!!!!Amen!!!!!!!!!Tamihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15098095150932626218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-20770380755710149662008-12-22T21:01:00.000-06:002008-12-22T21:01:00.000-06:00I am glad I came across your post. I completely a...I am glad I came across your post. I completely agree. We have a great deal of baggage about our hair and that is something that should be considered when others adopt transracially.<BR/><BR/>My husband and I are considering adoption (domestic vs. international) and I haven't seen many blogs by women of color detailing their experience. I appreciate your story and hope to learn a lot from it.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12558687792470437999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-80221681540743859012008-12-19T20:49:00.000-06:002008-12-19T20:49:00.000-06:00thanks for sharing...as a white girl w/ crazy hair...thanks for sharing...as a white girl w/ crazy hair issues (i too know the looks you get when you say you only wash your hair four times a month!) i'm actually looking forward to the "well meaning AA lady" giving me insights on how to care for and protect my daughter's hair.<BR/>(like when you posted on our group about issues beads can cause...i appreciate that insight!)<BR/><BR/>thanks for sharing this post! :)meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03831271999861944488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-29036265251278486532008-12-17T22:24:00.000-06:002008-12-17T22:24:00.000-06:00Thank you for your insight. You have given me an i...Thank you for your insight. You have given me an idea of what could be aheadBethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07752700110886296289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-721052584715018856.post-2217829304502603492008-12-17T18:53:00.000-06:002008-12-17T18:53:00.000-06:00I agree. One thing Oprah said a long time ago was...I agree. One thing Oprah said a long time ago was a sista can be fat, but we draw the line at bald. <BR/><BR/>No matter relaxed or natural, we do take hair care seriously. Yes, it's just that important.Dreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262873808033390408noreply@blogger.com