Family Story Christmas Card

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Shutterfly Deal!!!!

I have to share a fabulous deal i've found.
...one that you, too, can partake in.
so, here's my fabulous plug/shout out...
shutterfly has a spectacular offer for the blogging world...and i bet pretty soon i'm going to see blog posts just like mine popping up in all my favorite world-wide-web locations! right now, Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly, just hit that link ---> http://bit.ly/sfly2010 ...and seriously, who doesn't want 50 free holiday cards?!? that's 1/2 of my stack for free!
i've used shutterfly many times...
for example, I sent out Aden's birthdya cards and announcements using this announcement http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/4x8-flat-photo-cards/birthday-castle-birthday-4x8-photo-card-4x8-photo

well, i've been thinking about ideas for what i'd like the pictures to look like...i'm thinking that aden and i will be together in the photo and dressed up in our sunday best. but i DO know, that i've found the card i like. http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/cards-stationery/family-wall-noir-christmas-card-5x7-flat?sortType=1&storeNode=93476&fc=1 hello! it has space for a LOT of pics and I love multiple photoes.

i also like the idea of a family newsletter http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/cards-stationery/our-ornaments-story-christmas-card-5x7-flat?sortType=2&storeNode=93479 so, now that i've shown you mine, i wanna see yours! hop onto shutterfly's blogger deal for yourself http://blog.shutterfly.com/5358/holiday2010-blog-submission-form/ and in just a few short days, you too can be pickin' out your holiday cards...there are, after all, there are less than 60 more days until christmas!!
and just because you DO deserve an update...
here's a pic i took of my kkiddo ...

American Girl Place

Here's a recent pic of me and mini-me at the American Girl Place. It's currently my fav.

Aden's Bday

Okay, I've decided to stop apologizing for not updating the blog. I discovered FB and that was the end of this blog. If anyone wants to friend me on FB, please leave a message on the blog. I just find FB easier than blogging.

Here's a couple of pics of the bday party as promised.

Easter 2010

Here's a few pics from our first Easter. I'm getting ready for Ad's bday party and very tired, but thought I would add a few pics before I turned in for the night.

Occasional Updates

Okay, I decided that I should just abandon my blog. I will try to post on here occasionally.

We had a very exciting weekend in our little house. Aden took her first steps. It's so amazing to watch her turn into a toddler. She was such a baby when I first got her. She could hardly sit up, but now she's about to start walking. I have been truly blessed with this child. She's so bright, independent and a total ham. She's more than I could have ever hoped for. It was so hard to leave my old agency, and I suffered an incredible financial loss, but I'm so ecstatic that I did. I think that my baby was loved and provided for, and that's worth a fortune.

I am currently planning her first bday. We are doing a Princess theme and it's coming along nicely. I'll be sure to post pics of the party and Aden in her first easter dress.

Aden

Hi Blog World,

I guess you can all guess that this blog no longer exist. I was really excited about documenting my journey to Aden, but my old agency ruined that experience. I have been grown for quite a long time, so I'm not so good with someone telling me what to do. I'm not into the big brother experiecne, especially when I'm paying ppl my money.

In April 2009, I left BFAS. It was not the place for me and not the place for my potential child. My soul has been free since the day I decided to part ways with them. I guess I need to let them know that I'm no longer a client, but I have no desire to even speak to them. I may drop an email. I was hoping one of their spies (clients) would tell them for me.

Anyway, on November 3, 2009, I became the mother of the most beautiful little girl in the world. Here's a pic. I adopted her thru Illien Adoptions. I applied to Illien in April. My dossier was complete on June 18th. I recieved my referral on September 15th and passed court on November 3rd. On December 5, 2009, my little girl was in my arms. Aden is the healthiest of kids. No giardia, no ringworm, no parasites, no lice and she is meeting her developmental milestones.

I suggest that ppl chose their agency wisely. THere is no reason for some of the things that happen. THe excuse of it's Ethiopia, is no excuse.

I wish all of you well on your journeys.

Bad Blogger

I really am not a bad blogger, but this adoption thing has gone crazy. I should have done some things differently from the start. I have realized there there are more impt things in the journey than getting my baby home as soon as possible. I have learned that when someone does not have an answer to a simple question, you simply should not be bothered with them.

I have no idea when this trip down adoption lane will end; however, I remain hopeful that my girl is at the end of this road waiting for me.

Can't wait to we are AAH.....

CNN Series on Black in America

CNN has published a few articles as a lead up to its black in america, part 2 series. I have to post the other one when I have time. It was about single black women adopting. It was good in some points, but peppered with some ignorance that I did not understand the need to include. All folks have some crazy ppl in their group, why are our crazy ppl used as the standard? It's like everything about us has to have an asteric....* they are doing good but let me toss this in so that everyone remembers that the good is an anamoly and they are really for the most part beyond redemption.

I digress. I thought it was cute that the Dad, who is white, does the hair combing of his AA daughter. I have never seen a black man "do" a girl's hair and would probably faint from the shock if I did. It's just not done. Maybe grab the hair and put it in a ponytail, but anything more than that, and he's driving across town to mama, sister, cousin, or any other woman before he would heaven forbid, comb hair!!!! :)

Ladies, you can pass this article to your man and see if it will get them in the kitchen on Sunday night.




When Clifton Green and his wife adopted an adorable little girl from Ethiopia, they knew they would eventually have to deal with the hair issue.

The Atlanta, Georgia-based couple, who are white, had read books about transracial adoptions that addressed how to deal with Miriam's springy curls that grew in full, dark and strong after a toddlerhood of baldness.
Green took it upon himself to learn how to care for and style his daughter's textured tresses.
"We didn't have any skills, but we had the desire," said Green of learning to do his now 5-year-old daughter's hair. "It's the culture, it's important and we want to honor it and respect it."
For many African-Americans, having a child walk around with unkempt hair is an almost unpardonable sin.

[I thought this part was funny...The whispering words would be, her momma is so awful she don't even comb that child's hair. She needs her a-- beat for letting that child out the house with her hair all over her damn head. She got her out here looking like a homeless person.]


That desire to be well groomed extends into adulthood and the multitudes of hairstyles are as diverse as the black community itself.
There are naturals, weaves, chemically relaxed styles, braids and dreadlocks, to name just a few.
Far from being superficial, black hair and its care goes well beyond the multibillion-dollar industry it has become and is deeply rooted in African-American identity and culture.
'Black in America 2'
In July, Soledad O'Brien investigates what African-Americans are doing to confront the most challenging issues facing their communities. You'll meet people who are using groundbreaking solutions in innovative ways to transform the black experience. July 22 & 23, 8 p.m. ET
see full schedule »
"Barbershops and beauty salons are perhaps second only to black churches as institutions in the community," said Ingrid Banks, an associate professor of Black Studies at University of California, Santa Barbara and author of a forthcoming book on contemporary black beauty salon culture. iReporters share their hair-stories »
"It's not about hair per se, it's about what hair means, particularly for black women in terms of racial identity, identity based on gender and ideas about power," she said. "On one level, hair matters because race matters in our society. For black people, our hair has been infused with these racial politics."
Banks points to the ideas, which continue to linger, that if a black woman straightens her hair she is "selling out the race" and/or "embracing the white standard of beauty" while women who wear their hair in natural styles are "blacker than thou."
"When we think about that, there is no other racial or ethnic group in which those ideas come to bear on someone's politics," said Banks, who gathered data for her book by traveling to black hair salons across the country. "No one is saying that about white women, Asian women or Latino women."
Erin Aubry Kaplan, who wrote an article about Michelle Obama's hair and its implications for Salon.com, believes the first lady's straightened and perfectly coiffed style helps her image.
"She has been criticized about many things, but I think that underneath the criticism about her being radical or too outspoken about race is this uneasiness people have about her being this tall, dark-skinned woman," Kaplan said. "So her hair is important, because if she is tall, dark-skinned and has an Afro then she becomes really scary." Sound off: Is there such a thing as 'good hair?'
That unease was also evident in 2008 when The New Yorker magazine ran a cover with a drawing portraying Michelle Obama wearing an Angela Davis-style Afro while fist bumping her turban wearing husband.
"[The cover] I think was meant to poke fun at what people really fear," said Kaplan, who added that as a black woman who does not have kinky hair, she has had her own share of issues. "I understood the intent, but we aren't at the point where we can laugh at black images, because every black image resonates and reflects on black people as a whole."
Robert Morris can relate to the perceptions that black hair can evoke.
The CNN iReporter recently cut the dreadlocks he had been growing for years and said that along with the physical makeover came an attitude shift in how people responded to him. Check out Morris' iReport on his change
"I wasn't as approachable when I had the locks," said Morris, who now sports a shorter, cropped do that he is enjoying. "It seemed like I had the stigma of being 'the angry black man.' "
People's possible reactions to hair caused another iReporter to lose sleep.
Don't Miss
Sound off: Perceptions, misconceptions about black hair?
iReport.com: Share your hair-story
Chris Rock gets to the root of 'Good Hair'
In Depth: Black in America
Tamille Johnson said her decision to get kinky twists kept her up the night before her visit to the salon. Read Johnson's concerns in her iReport
"It was really surprising to me because I was so afraid what people would think about them and I didn't think I would feel that way," Johnson said. "Whenever I would get my hair done, I would get straight styles and I did not know if people would think that the kinky style was pretty."
Johnson, an administrator at UC Berkeley, said she found the experience to be soul searching and she came to terms with the fact that as long as she thought her hair was beautiful, that was all that mattered.
That attitude is one Renae Valdez-Simeon hopes to impart to her two daughters. Because her children are biracial, Valdez-Simeon said she has often heard comments about her children's "good hair." Go to Valdez-Simeon's iReport
"When a child has straight hair, they are told they have 'good hair' and while people aren't telling children with curly hair that they have 'bad hair,' in essence that is what you are saying because you are saying that straight hair is good hair," Valdez-Simeon said.
Valdez-Simeon, whose site Mixtkids.com is billed as "One Mom's journey to raise empowered mixed-race children," said she has increasingly heard the comments because her 7-year-old sports tight, curly ringlets while her 1-year-old's hair has yet to curl. "I try to explain to people that good hair is not straight hair, it's healthy hair," said Valdez-Simeon, who also said all of the comments have come from African-Americans.
Comedian Chris Rock saw the same attitudes in his young daughters and it helped motivate his new documentary "Good Hair."
The film is narrated by Rock and explores black hair from a variety of angles, including the booming $9 billion generated by the black hair industry and the science behind chemical relaxers used to straighten hair.
Rock also visited the Bronner Bros. International Hair Show in Atlanta, a twice-a-year event that has been in existence since the company started in 1947.
Janet Wallace, hair show manager, said as many as 50,000 attendees have come annually to each of the events to see the latest trends, services and products available.
Stylists and the public alike are enthralled by the art form that is hairstyling, Wallace said.
"People want to look good from the cradle to the grave," Wallace said. "Hair is fun because there are so many adornments and things you can do with it."
Green acknowledges that he has not reached that level of artistry yet, but takes pride in styling his daughter's hair well.
On weekends, the Emory University professor can be found wielding the various combs, brushes and products he has found that work for Miriam's hair (Carol's Daughter is a favorite at the moment).
While he said he's still not that good with "rows," the cornrow style that braids the hair close to the scalp, he can work other braided styles, twists and an occasional French braid.
The ritual of doing Miriam's hair is not only a time of bonding for the pair, but also an opportunity for him to honor his daughter and her heritage.
Green has kept his sense of humor about the many people who express surprise that he is so well educated about and skilled with black hair.
"I don't want people to look at her and tell she has white parents," he said, laughing.

Subtle, yet Powerful

This young man was granted a visit to the White House and asked a simple enough question to our President. “Can he feel his hair, to see if it felt just like his?”

...I almost labelled this post hair doesn't matter...LOL!!!

As for the adoption, I know I have been an awful blogger. I just believe how this process has changed for me. I went in so happy and optimistic, but now I'm just saddened by humanities ability to be callous. I thought this would be a blog to share all the joys of my process, but there just haven't been enough to even bother. Maybe that will change? I'm hoping that will change. I have considered saving a few thoughts and publishing them when this process has moved to a better place, but so far no energy to even do that.

I have a trial that is coming up on July 8, 2009 and I have to get it together for that. There are ppl who are counting on me to devote my attention to their case, but it's so hard to concentrate. I see a lot of late nights and weekends at the office if I don't get it together at work soon. Oh well, what can you do? Well, I guess I could more diligent about work, but it's like my brain has turned to mush. Until next time...

Trying to Believe

I'm trying to believe that this journey will actually end with me bringing my child home. I was blog watching today and saw a post that caused me to consider what to do when meeting baby girl for the first time. I have not decided how I will approach that process. I think I will start reading lots of books on the first meeting and initial transition. This post ask a PAP to consider the first meeting from the child's prospective. I believe this post is from someone who perhaps adopted from Korea where the child is placed in a foster home and escorted, but can be applied to various adoption journies....


A Different Perspective
Immense Loss; Walk a Mile in Baby’s Booties

Imagine for a moment…You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man.

You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay.But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.More time passes.

One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.He leads you to a car and drives you to another location.

Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.--

Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller

Shocked

I have been a little surprised with the responses I have received about my last post, both public and private. I didn't know there were so many of us out there!!

I can tell you all who think that I have lost my mind, that I have in fact found it. I have reconnected with the little girl who survived one of the poorest ghettos in Chicago, and that doesn't happen by being afraid. I have explained to the necessary parties, that I will say whatever I want, wherver and to whomever I want. I will also inquire about any policy or procedure that I feel like in whatvr forum I choose. I am fully prepared to deal with whatever occurs from that decision. But I refuse to continue to live like this. I have made it clear that I have certain expectations, which are not unreasonable, and I expect them to be met. If you want to play with the big boys, you have to deliver like the big boys.

When does getting what you want mean that you have given up who you are?

Hi Blog World,

It has been so long since we have talked. I think that I have had nothing to say, because I have not been me. I allowed myself to continue down a path that I never imagined setting foot on, let alone walk with ignorance and fear.

Have you ever just wanted something so badly that you don't care how it comes to you? But there is a reason for the rules. As a federal attorney, I always have to be extra diligent that I follow those rules. There are things that I can not be involved in or even have knowledge of.

I have been afraid. I can't believe I am saying those words, but they are true. WHat's worse, I have been afraid of standing up for me and what I believe in. That is the saddest place a person can be. I am usually confident, proud and stubborn. So much so, that I may have to spend time in purgatory for those weaknesses. But it's who I am and I have always been proud of who I am. But not for these last few months.

I have allowed my desire for something to cloud my vision and blur my lines between right and wrong. NO MORE!!! It's time I returned to being a member of the Court and someone who has sworn to uphold the laws of this Government.

Aren't you a Family?

Hi Blog World,

I didn't post an updated pic this week. No real reason. Just didn't feel like it. I plan on getting it together this week.

Okay, I've been reading today about ppl who have family members who reject them because they have adopted a black child (well, not that most will refer to their child as black if they come from AFRICA). WTF?? I won't even get into that nonsense because it makes my head hurt. Anyway, I just can't believe that a FAMILY would function that way. Not to brag or anything, but I was a great child!!! I couldn't imagine anyone not wanting me because of my race. It's the craziest thing I have ever heard of. It just goes to show you how deep this racism thing really is. So incredibly sad. A child's skin color to some ppl eqaul not worthy of being in your home and loved as one of your own? But I bet some of these same ppl would say that no one in this country is judged by race and we all have the same oppurtunities.

I have a huge extended family and couldn't imagine ONE of them ceasing to speak to me because they didn't agree with a decision I made in life that didn't involve physical harm to another. And I mean not one thing!!! They would tease and talk about me, but would never cut me out. I don't even know of anyone who has ever been cut out from their family completely. I know ppl who are only allowed in the kitchen because they have bad habits that have caused them to not be trusted around valueables, but no one would ever think they couldn't come for Christmas. THEY ARE FAMILY AFTER ALL!! Maybe it's cultural thing, and I'll admit that my world is mostly AA, but I have never heard of such a thing.

I thought about what would happen if I adopted a non-black child, and the answer was nothing. Don't get me wrong, black folks can be as prejudiced as anyone else, and my family is old school proud of their race, proud of their culture, and proud of being American traditional AA who have been in this country and can trace our ancestors within this country back to the 1700s. Which also means that they can be a little untrustworthy of anyone who is not black. So, I know there would be talk if I adopted a non-black child, but cutting me off would be beyond anything any of them would ever imagine. I would hear tons of gossip about how I had lost my mind but that would even fade after a bit of time. The child would be just another member of our family, so what if she was white, she's family now. The closest example is a cousin who does not seem as if he is genetically my uncle's child. My uncle asked my grandfather if he should get a paternity test. The child is five now. My grandfather asked him why would he get such a test since he's family now and a test ain't gonna change that. Family is family!

I just don't get it. I feel so sorry for ppl who have had that happen to them, or even have to worry that that's a possibility. But at the same time, I'm a little scared for the kids they are bringing into such a family. I know some folks think we make it up, but the black experience in this country is challenging and country of origin and economic status will not make anyone's child immune. They may not present themselves for years, but they will be there and it's dangerous to pretend they won't. Not to say that all ppl don't have challenges, but most of my white friends walk thru this world as an individual. I walk thru this world as a black woman with all the good and bad that institutional racism has bestowed upon me. And trust me, it's worse for a black man.

I can't remember where, but I saw a post about how a black family reacted very strongly when a white person called their 3 year old a n----r. It was obvious that the child was not upset until they say their family member upset, and the child remembered the incident, but wondered if it would have been no big deal if the adults didn't provide meaning to the word. My thought was this: I grew up with the full knowledge that my family would never let anyone do me harm even if I didn't understand the harm at the time. I ask, what would it have been like for that child to grow up knowing that their family allowed someone to say such a thing to them and not defend them 100%? For me, it's far worse to have taught a child that there is an ugly word than to have a child one day learn that their parents let someone insult them without coming to their defense. But I was raised to be a soldier who is capable of walking thru this world with her head held high, and with the full knowledge that no one gets away with treating you badly. Again, maybe that's not something that others are taught to place much value upon??

Week 5

We are on week five of our wait and not really sure when the wait will end. Too many unknowns in the world of adoption. IN MY OPINION, I'm not thinking that she will be home before November. Others are welcome to come up with their own estimate. It's very disheartening to say goodbye to all of my dreams that I had for uniting with her, but I would rather be realistic than an Ostrich. I pray that I'm wrong and she is here sooner, but I'm prepared for the long haul. Others feel free to feel however YOU want about when you will be united with your children. It's a shame that you have to point that out to adults, but someitmes I think that some folks are more like tall children than they are grown ups.

As for the pic, this is me, my grandfather's younger brother and his youngest son. This was after I decided to play salon and cut off my bangs. My momma behaved as if I had chopped off an arm. It was not a good day for me as a baby girl. My parents were so upset and have never forgiven me. According to my mom, my bangs never grew back because an unnecessary cut is a curse.

I'm also in my signature hair ribbons. Most of the kiddies in school wore beads and barrettes, but I was always in ribbons. They were the lightest hair accessory that my mom could find, and of course she believed in limiting any stress on my hair. Because of the flood, this is one of the few pics I have with my signature ribbons. It was my everyday hairstyle and would not have been used for formal pics. Because we were broke and didn't know many ppl who owned a camera, most of my pics were taken on "picture day", so only a few ribbon to match the outfits pictures survived. Also, the signature hand is on the hip because a photo was being snapped.

Week 4

Well blog world, I think we have to prepare for a much longer wait than anticipated. Just a new adjustment in the world of IA. I hope to do some travelling this summer to take my mind off of this.

Here we have a picture from me at my pre-K graduation. I was four years old because my mom fudged my birth certificate to get me in school a year early. When I told her that parents keep their kids out for a year, she was shocked. In my house it was all about being competitive and doing it faster than everyone else. For my parents, doing anything that put me behind someone else was unthinkable.

The HAIR!!!! I remember this day because it was a big deal in our house. My grandma did not like the dress my mom bought for graduation, so she took me to a dress maker and had a dress made. My pre-K was across the street from grandparent's so I spent the night with them. My mom had sent me over to her house with my hair in ponytails and ribbons to match the dress. I was supposed to sleep with my scarf and wake up and go to the graduation with grandma and family and my parents would meet us there. That night, my grandma decided that she would put me under the hair dryer and let me wear my hair down, which I had never been allowed to do. It was a disaster.

My parents are long hair ppl. They both believed that a girl and woman should try to do her best to have hair that was at least to her shoulders. They didn't know a lot about hair follicles and the sort, but they were more hair observant than anyone you've ever met. They had looked around and knew what a person needed to do to a kid to make sure as a grown up she had hair. So we had rules in our house about hair. First, hair is almost never cut and only trimmed occasionally. Second, kiddie relaxers were invented by the devil and only serve to ruin a child's hair. When I would beg for one, my mom would say look around, so and so had a kiddie perm and now she ain't got no hair or her hair line is receeding. You want to be bald headed when you get older? If I pointed to someone who I knew who had managed to survive a kiddie perm, they would both just say, she's lucky, you don't get to take the chance. They would only agree to allowing a relaxer after I was thirteen becuase then my body and hair should be able to hanlde it by then. They believed, and so do I, that estrogen in a girl's body changes everything, including her hair, and you should wait until that adjusment before introducing something as permanent as a chemical. Third, heat to the hair of any kind was only permitted on special occasions, and only when you're over eight years old. Fourth, all those hair thingies and small braids in kids' hair are ghetto and cause extra weight on the hair. Extra weight causes damage to the follicle, damage to the follicle causes hair loss, and hair loss is of course evil. Finally, hair additions are not allowed. See fourth rule about weight on hair and then add plastic to the equation. Hair was not meant to be surrounded in anything but the things that grew naturally around it. Hair extensions can led to hair thinnign and hair thinning can lead to .....well, you see where I'm going with this.

Back to the pic...My grandma could care less about hair. She hated doing her hair and hated that she had two girls and had to do their hair. She did her best to teach her girls that hair was not impt and should be cut short so you don't have to bother with it. My aunt feels the same way. My mom thought my grandma was out of her mind. My grandma would try to cut her hair off and she would lock herself in the bathroom until my grandfather came home from work and told my grandma to let her keep her hair if she wants to. By the way, my mom is the oldest, so you just can't say what you can and can not get your kids to think of as unimportant.

Grandma knew my mom and dad were "hair people", it was one of thier favorite subjects and what attracted them to each other. As my mom's friends tell me, my mom and dad had the best fros in school and they knew it. So grandma knew she couldn't press out my hair for her big day, but she thought she could get around it by putting me under the hood dryer. That way my parents couldn't say that she put direct heat on my hair. Grandma did not count on the fact that I have the frizziest hair in the world and you have to straighten it "for real" or not at all. So it turned into a puff ball and that's how I went to graduation. My grandma not really caring much about hair thought it was fine. My parents showed up and hit the roof!!!! They couldn't believe that the whole family was there and they had their perfect fros and their baby was walking around with a lopsided puff ball on top of her head. I remember my grandma sayign, she's cute what's wrong, she's cute.

My dad never forgave her for it. He says that my grandmother never had hair and doesn't know anythign about hair. He blames her for ruining my hair and says that her putting me under the dryer at too young of an age ruined it for the rest of my life. When I would ask him for money to go get my hair relaxed, he would say you wouldn't need to do that if it wasn't for your grandma. Me and ma had a plan for your hair and she messed it up. We don't put relaxer in our hair, my mom doesn't relax her hair, if it weren't for your grandma you wouldn't need to either. I would just roll my eyes and tell him that heat is not good, but one time didn't change my hair for the rest of my life. But of course, my dad doesn't take hair advice from ppl that don't have hair, so he never listened to me.

So that's my puff ball story...chat at you all next week...

Paternal Grandma

So to make sure it doesn't look like I'm playing favorites. Here is a pic of me with my paternal grandma. It was taken on the same night as the previous pic.

Week 3

Nothing new to report. Nothing new to say. Only feel nothing.

Here I am at around 3 posing for the camera at my paternal grandmothers. I may post a pic with the two of us together, especially since I gave maternal grandma some face time.

Week 2

Okay, here is the pic from me at the age of two. I was in my inflattable pool in my grandparents front yard. The hand on the hip thing is something that me, my mom, aunt, and girl cousins do. We learned it from my grandmother. I sometimes find myself doing the left hand on left hip pose and have to stop myself. Also, this is the first pic of me with my bangs in a sponge roller. My mom thought I had the largest forehead in the world and was always trying to cover it with bangs. But the curl would never stay so I always had the roller in the front of my head. I don't know why no one realized that the thing they were doing to cover up my "forehead situation" was actually calling attention to it. Unfortunately, the roller on top of my head will be repeated in this trip down memory lane. We didn't stop that little project until I was old enough to say no more.

The other pic is my grandmother who taught us all that a camera flash equals hand on hip with a big cheesy grin.

No update on my timeline. I inquired about a specific child with my agency but have not heard back from them. It was a bit of a long shot anyway. But it would have been nice to even get a no, as opposed to no answer at all. Still no movement from the top of our list. Very scary, but what can you do? I'm hoping we will have a week with like 5 five referrals!!!! Praying that Kelly W and Holly F get news of a referral tomorrow. It seems that our agency likes Friday referrals.

Officially Waiting

The day that I started to think would never happen has finally arrived. I am now officially waiting!!! I am so grateful that the paperchase has ended. Unfortunately, I really have no idea when I will have the baby. My tiny agency has gone from 18 clients to 100!!! I know, I was looking for a small agency and did not want a mid-size agency, but life happens. I have made my peace with these changes and hope that my journey resolves soon.

I'm stealing an idea from Robbin. So, every week of my wait, I will be posting a pic of my self that corresponds to the age of my waiting week. Unfortunately, our house flooded and most of my pics were lost. There will be some weeks when I will not post the pic of me at that age, but I will provide an explanation for the pic I have posted instead. I will probably only provide the weekly updates from this point on. I'm going to try to not become completely obsessed during this wait.

Enjoy the pic of me at one one. I am one and in my easter dress standing in front of my paternl aunt. Please don't laugh at the black sandals and white socks, I don't know why that was considered acceptable.

Presidential Neighbor

Yesterday, was an amazing culmination of an impossible dream. I never thought in my lifetime that I would see this country as a whole unite behind a black man as its leader. In this dark time where our men face such a difficult climb and our women have been regulated to stereotypes, this is quite an achievement.

I don't want this blog to be too heavy, so that's all I will say on that subject.

But on a lighter note, I used to live no more than two blocks from Obama. Prior to going down this baby path, I lived in the cutest condo in the incredible south side, black middle class hamlit known as Hyde Park. President Obama and his family lived about two blocks from me (pretty sure my dog has done his business on the President's lawn :)).

Stalker

So, there are a few families that have adopted little girls from ET and I am completely stalking them. I am absolutely in love with their kids. I know that this blog will be closed off from the public soon after baby girl is home, but I love it that others are willing to share.

Here is a pic of a little one that I'm in love with. She reminds me of myself as a toddler. I have so many photos of myself with head tilted and flirting with the camera.

I have cleared the last barrier to my dossier being sent to ET. I was told that it should by the end of the week. Can't wait to have that process over with. Now all we need is some referrals!!! Apparently, there are lots of electrical and travel issues that can complicate and lengthen the process for my agency, join me in praying for their resolution.

I'll let you all know when i'm "officially waiting".

New Car Day!!!

I got my new CAR!!!! I haven't had a new car in eight years and cars are sweet now!!! This car is fully loaded and was an incredible deal. The dealer almost gave it away. I looked at Edmunds and I paid less for this car from a dealer than what I should have paid a private party. My baby is pictured in this post. He's a beauty. I'm naming him "Regal", the case from hell that has taken over my life for the last year.

Too Cute!!!

Nothing new to report. Still waiting to see if my dossier has been approved. I was told not to expect anything before the end of the month. But on another note, I got the cutest dress this weekend. I have recently lost 10 pounds and haven't updated my clothes (making sure it's a long term loss and tyring to save for Ms. Aden's arrival). I decided to treat myself to a dress for next new year's to make sure that I had incentive to not put any weight back on. I think I should make it. I have another mini-brief due on Friday and that usually adds a pound or two. Going to try to keep it under control.

Dirty Dancing

I'm going to see the play tomorrow afternoon. I'm really looking forward to it. I was addicted to the movie in my tweens. The play should hopefully be a good distraction. I have been on vacation for two weeks and his is enough for me. I have become addicted to the internet. If I had a referral, I would have spent a fortune by now.

So, the dossier did not happen for today. My SW returns from yet another vacation on Tuesday so I plan on leaving work early and picking up two copies of my home study. I will then send it out two day mail to BFAS!!!! Hopefully that means I will be on the wait list soon...

Will give you folks an update on Tuesday...