Tuesday, April 28, 2009

When does getting what you want mean that you have given up who you are?

Hi Blog World,

It has been so long since we have talked. I think that I have had nothing to say, because I have not been me. I allowed myself to continue down a path that I never imagined setting foot on, let alone walk with ignorance and fear.

Have you ever just wanted something so badly that you don't care how it comes to you? But there is a reason for the rules. As a federal attorney, I always have to be extra diligent that I follow those rules. There are things that I can not be involved in or even have knowledge of.

I have been afraid. I can't believe I am saying those words, but they are true. WHat's worse, I have been afraid of standing up for me and what I believe in. That is the saddest place a person can be. I am usually confident, proud and stubborn. So much so, that I may have to spend time in purgatory for those weaknesses. But it's who I am and I have always been proud of who I am. But not for these last few months.

I have allowed my desire for something to cloud my vision and blur my lines between right and wrong. NO MORE!!! It's time I returned to being a member of the Court and someone who has sworn to uphold the laws of this Government.

5 comments:

Melissa said...

We have been praying for you throughout this journey....hoping that you hear good news soon! Know that you do have the support of MANY others!!
God Bless
Melissa, Scott and Micah T

VALARIE said...

I've been in that exact place and KNOW exactly what you mean and what you feel. There came a point that I had to stop dead in my tracks, collect myself and STAND firmly on my values and beliefs. There is no more peaceful feeling.

4evamom said...

This journey is so very difficult. I can certainly surmise what you are feeling.

I have similar feelings. Fear. Afraid to ask too many questions, for fear of being deemed a trouble maker and having this precious opportunity abruptly snatched away.

I am normally a lot more outspoken then I have been.

Becoming Three said...

You have summed up so many feelings that I have shared! Stand up for yourself and get back to yourself and you will feel FREE again.....

Hang on tight!

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