Officially Waiting

The day that I started to think would never happen has finally arrived. I am now officially waiting!!! I am so grateful that the paperchase has ended. Unfortunately, I really have no idea when I will have the baby. My tiny agency has gone from 18 clients to 100!!! I know, I was looking for a small agency and did not want a mid-size agency, but life happens. I have made my peace with these changes and hope that my journey resolves soon.

I'm stealing an idea from Robbin. So, every week of my wait, I will be posting a pic of my self that corresponds to the age of my waiting week. Unfortunately, our house flooded and most of my pics were lost. There will be some weeks when I will not post the pic of me at that age, but I will provide an explanation for the pic I have posted instead. I will probably only provide the weekly updates from this point on. I'm going to try to not become completely obsessed during this wait.

Enjoy the pic of me at one one. I am one and in my easter dress standing in front of my paternl aunt. Please don't laugh at the black sandals and white socks, I don't know why that was considered acceptable.

Presidential Neighbor

Yesterday, was an amazing culmination of an impossible dream. I never thought in my lifetime that I would see this country as a whole unite behind a black man as its leader. In this dark time where our men face such a difficult climb and our women have been regulated to stereotypes, this is quite an achievement.

I don't want this blog to be too heavy, so that's all I will say on that subject.

But on a lighter note, I used to live no more than two blocks from Obama. Prior to going down this baby path, I lived in the cutest condo in the incredible south side, black middle class hamlit known as Hyde Park. President Obama and his family lived about two blocks from me (pretty sure my dog has done his business on the President's lawn :)).

Stalker

So, there are a few families that have adopted little girls from ET and I am completely stalking them. I am absolutely in love with their kids. I know that this blog will be closed off from the public soon after baby girl is home, but I love it that others are willing to share.

Here is a pic of a little one that I'm in love with. She reminds me of myself as a toddler. I have so many photos of myself with head tilted and flirting with the camera.

I have cleared the last barrier to my dossier being sent to ET. I was told that it should by the end of the week. Can't wait to have that process over with. Now all we need is some referrals!!! Apparently, there are lots of electrical and travel issues that can complicate and lengthen the process for my agency, join me in praying for their resolution.

I'll let you all know when i'm "officially waiting".

New Car Day!!!

I got my new CAR!!!! I haven't had a new car in eight years and cars are sweet now!!! This car is fully loaded and was an incredible deal. The dealer almost gave it away. I looked at Edmunds and I paid less for this car from a dealer than what I should have paid a private party. My baby is pictured in this post. He's a beauty. I'm naming him "Regal", the case from hell that has taken over my life for the last year.

Too Cute!!!

Nothing new to report. Still waiting to see if my dossier has been approved. I was told not to expect anything before the end of the month. But on another note, I got the cutest dress this weekend. I have recently lost 10 pounds and haven't updated my clothes (making sure it's a long term loss and tyring to save for Ms. Aden's arrival). I decided to treat myself to a dress for next new year's to make sure that I had incentive to not put any weight back on. I think I should make it. I have another mini-brief due on Friday and that usually adds a pound or two. Going to try to keep it under control.

Dirty Dancing

I'm going to see the play tomorrow afternoon. I'm really looking forward to it. I was addicted to the movie in my tweens. The play should hopefully be a good distraction. I have been on vacation for two weeks and his is enough for me. I have become addicted to the internet. If I had a referral, I would have spent a fortune by now.

So, the dossier did not happen for today. My SW returns from yet another vacation on Tuesday so I plan on leaving work early and picking up two copies of my home study. I will then send it out two day mail to BFAS!!!! Hopefully that means I will be on the wait list soon...

Will give you folks an update on Tuesday...

By Next Week

Hi All,

I just got great news. I am either going to send off my completed dossier tomorrow or Tuesday. I can't wait to become "officially waiting". It has been so difficult to watch my tiny little agency grow and see my spot being taken over.

Unfortunately, there haven't seemed to be any little girl referrals on the group for like three weeks. I was hoping we would have had one a week. I'm not really sure why things have come to a standstill.

I have decided to go with the Lexus SUV. It was voted best overall value for a crossover vehicle. I haven't had a new car in like 10 years, so this is a very nice treat for myself.

Hoping to send out a dossier complete email within the next week!!!!

Home Study Update

It has finally made its way to Department of Children and Family Services in Springfield!!! So happy about that little development. I just want to be officially waiting. I can't stand the paper chase. I'm too impatient for this sort of thing.

On another note, I wish I knew for sure what was going on with singles in ET. My agency tells me not to worry but it's hard not to. I just can't understand how a rule applies to one agency but not another.

Oh well, I have decided to continue down this path until someone tells me no directly. Lets keep our fingers crossed for dossier submission during the first week of January 09!!

I also am going to get a new car. I tell myself it is for baby, but I'm just lying. I have have the same car for the last 8 years and it's time for a change. I'm going to be an ugly american and get an SUV. But I don't drive to work, so don't think I have no concern for our planet. I put about 5000 miles a year on a car, so my carbon output won't be that bad with an SUV. I'm trying to decide between the lexus or bmw. BMW has an awesome service plan, so I'm leaning that way as of now.

Well Meaning AAWomen and Hair

Okay,

I am pissed. I was bored today and looking at every blog I could find. I should have been working but I was blog watching instead. So, to what pissed me off. WELL MEANING BLACK WOMEN!!!! I have come to hate that term. I find it used often on blogs where there is a white family who has adopted a black child and it's usually in reference to hair discussions.

At first, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I'm not one to allow ppl in my business so I could understand the sentiment. But then it was repeated on so many blogs that it started to sound to me more like the women were saying "this black B had the nerve to walk up to me and talk to me about my kid's hair". Some of these ppl have no problem with white folks coming up to them and asking them about their adoption but hair discussions are oh so offensive!!!!

Then I started to calm down and think maybe they don't know. They have read hair books, learned to corn roll, and combed a five year old black girls hair so they think they know. THEY HAVE NO IDEA!!! They have no clue what it means to walk thru this country and have your attributes continually and not always subtlely put down. They have no idea what it means to have black hair. I mean it's oh so cute to braid and all that, but what about when that girl is 13 and her haird doesn't do what the white girls in class can do? They don't know that braids that are cute at 4 are just some baby mess at 12. They have no idea what it takes to figure out what to do with the hair once it's out of braids and everything you try doesn't look right.

They have no idea that it took hundreds of years for us to learn what works for our hair and how to find value in our own beauty when society at large tells you that you and your hair are ugly. They don't know about the sistas in the test kitchens mastering the conk and sacrificing plugs of hair. They don't know that as a teenager there will be kids who think it's the nastiest thing they have ever heard when you tell them you wash your hair once a week. They have never seen products that you have relied on and loved fail you, and then you can't find replacements. They don't know that the hair that has been on top of your head your whole like can change and you have to fight to get it back. They don't know that this happens for natural and relaxed sistas.

Or maye this is my own ignorance? Do white women have such extensive hair issues? Do they struggle like me and I don't know it? They talk about washing their own hair (which is something I haven't done in years) and I think wow I wish my hair was that easy to manage. But maybe they have a different set of hair stuff going on that I don't know about. Are htey like me and have to wear a scarf every night? Do they talk with their friends about when you let a new man see you in your scarf?

But more than all of that,they don't know that hair is something that black women discuss. They are being offered an entry into that world becuase a sista sees a baby sista and talks to her mom about her hair. They don't know that we do that all the time with each other. I have approached and been approached about who does my hair. I have seen a sista at the mall with a style and shine that I want to rock and I've asked what she uses. I have had others offer suggestions when they saw my hair line receding or my ends all split off. We have walked this path and discuss it freely. Of course everyone has an opinion that you may not agree with, but that's life. You can take it or leave it. My own hair dresser lectures me about going natural and I ignore her once a week as she talks and blow drys my relaxed hair.

My goddaughter and her mom were in the store and a black woman came up to them and suggested a shining product to her for baby. My friend, who is black, just chatted for a minute and went on about her business. No one thought anything of it. Our hair has ups and downs and we look to each other for assistance. Some we take and some we ignore.

Like the majority of women I know, i have had a standing appt at the hair dresser every week since i got my first job. Yes, it's that serious. I know sistas who won't pay a bill before they cancel that hair appt. India Arie had ot make a song saying she released being defined by her hair. She didn't do so because it was a catchy tune, she did it because hair is a big deal for black women.

So the next time you dismiss that "well meaning AA" when she talks to you about your child's hair you may want to reconsider. Doing a few braids ain't nothing like wearing the mane day in and day out. Don't get it twisted.

Okay that's my rant. I'm such an even tempered person, but that mess was a little too much for me today.

Maybe I'll have more perspective tomorrow. Maybe I'm just being hyper sensitive tonight.

What do you think blog world? Am I upset for nothing? Is "well meaning AA" woman respectful or wack?

Back from Hiatus

Hi All,

Well, we had quite a little scare last month, but I think I feel confident enough to hope that Eden/Aden will be coming home in 2009. I don't have the energy to discuss, but there seem to be changes in the future for ET and single adoptions. At this point, it's not confirmed what they will be, but last month I thought they meant that I would not have ET as an option. My agency has assured me that is not the case and I have decided to have a little faith. The head of the agency has been in ET for this past week and has only sent back good news thus far.

I still have no homestudy. Trying to hurry that process along. A fellow blogger, Robbin, has passed on a contact that may help me move my homestudy out of DCFS faster than I had originally thought. Thanks Girl!!

I have slowed down big time on shopping for Aden. The idea of never using her nursery was heart wrenching.

Not much going on with me outside of that. Will be sure to update as soon as I get more info about the homestudy. I would love to be officially waiting by the end of the year.

Hiatus for a Bit

Hi All,

There seems to be some potentially disturbing news regarding my ability to adopt in Ethiopia. At this point, I'm waiting for my agency rep to speak with MOWA to confirm some very disturbing news that is coming out of Ethiopia. If this news is in fact true, I am not sure if/how I will be proceeding with my adoption from Ethiopia.

It was fun to enter the world of blogging, and I wish everyone well on their journey. A part of me is hopeful that this somehow resolves itself, but I'm not anticipating that happening.

Signing off for now....trice

Christening Gown

Hi All,

Nothing new to report. Still in the paperchase. Hoping that all my docs will be approved and off to Springfield by the 20th. I can't believe IL has that stupid rule about approval from DCFS before it can be sent to my agency. What can you do?

I have my fingerprint appt with customs this afternoon. I almost forgto about it. Lucky I dind't have any appts scheduled at work.

I went shopping with my GF Kourtney yesterday. I was supposed to look for winter accesories but ended up buying Eden a Christening gown. I love her gown. I went to the site for the manufacturer and her dress was $300 less than what buying direct cost. I LOVE MARSHALLS!!!! Kourtney hates discount stores but she was a good sport. I just can't understand how someone could hate the thrill of the hunt and the rush of the capture when you find that hidden gem.

Isn't the dress too cute?

Home Study Visit

Hi All,

I had my homestudy visit on election day. Visit went fine. She spent about 4 minutes looking around the house. Really not that big of a deal.

Later that evening I hung out with my family and watched history. I never in my lifetime thought a black man would be president. It's overwhelming. Black women have become caricatures on TV and it's just so great to have a first lady who is a black woman. I can barely watch TV with a black female character. They are all either fat, lazy and loud or the biggest bitches you have ever met. I'm like do you really think that a whole group of women can be put into two stereotypical and unfair character types?

Oh well, here's hoping that the homestudy is complete by mid December.

Table 52

Well, the boy and I went there to celebrate my Bday. There's a lot of hype because it's an Oprah thing, but I wasn't all that impressed. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the meal, but don't get why there is a three month wait.

I have to go to fed court on Wednesday!!! Not looking forward to that, I always forget something or say something wrong when I'm there. It's just so intimidating that I feel like a law student when I'm there. Hope it goes better this time around.

Homestudy visit tomorrow, will be sure to update....

My Bday is This Week

Celebrating my bday this week. I found this pic from my bday about five years ago when I was still hanging at clubs and thinking me and my girls were too cute. Now I can't even stay awake pass two a.m.

In Public in Addis

Someone posted this today about not going in public with your adopted child. I'm sure it's very upsetting for some of the people who live there, and understand that it has to be limited. My friend went to China and she thought it was alarming to see so many Caucasian couples walking around with Chinesse children. She thought it was really sad that China wasn't doing more to take care of its own. I could see the ppl of Ethiopia feeling the same way and souring towards adoption.

October 22, 2008
Joint Council Policy Recommendation
Cultural Sensitivity Regarding Adoptions in Ethiopia

Every adoption is like a rollercoaster for the adoptive parents. There are always obstacles to overcome and hoops to jump through. But in every adoption there are also many highs. For most adoptive parents the biggest high is finally being able to travel, meet the child whose photo you fell in love with long ago, and holding them in your arms. It is the moment that every adoptive parent longs for and dreams of. Adoptive parents want to spend every moment with their new child, learning every little piece of their personality and spirit. Adoptive parents want to show their new child(ren) everything that the world has to offer them. This being said sometimes it is necessary for an adoptive family to be respectful of a country’s local culture and hold off these magical moments for a few days. Joint Council feels that this is the case in Ethiopia.Very often adoptive families stay at an international, national or local hotel in Addis Ababa. And fulfilling their long held desires, families often bring their newly adopted child to the hotel during their stay in Ethiopia.. Many times the adoptive family also goes shopping or sightseeing in Addis Ababa or another local city or village.This overriding desire, which is very normal and certainly understandable, often results in unintended cultural insensitivity to the Ethiopian government and citizens. With over 3,000 adoptions expected in Ethiopia this year, hotels and other common gathering places such as shopping areas often see relatively large numbers of families with their newly adopted Ethiopian child.Given that the vast majority of American and European families adopting from Ethiopia are Caucasian or other non-black, the adoptive families and their Ethiopian child are easily distinguished and are often a point of curiosity among Ethiopian citizens. Understandably, due to misconceptions about adoption some Ethiopian citizens even look upon American and European adoptive families with suspicion. Cultural differences in parenting and child behavior are contributing to this suspicion.The large number of adoptive families combined with the curiosity and suspicions of Ethiopian citizens and with cultural differences in parenting and child behavior, is unfortunately causing unintended yet very significant concerns among some Ethiopian citizens and the government. Subsequently these unintended consequences are weakening the work and services being provided in order to ensure permanent families for the children of Ethiopia. Without exaggeration, this may lead to the elimination of intercountry adoption as an option for ensuring that every Ethiopian child has a safe, permanent and loving family.During Joint Council’s trips to Ethiopia in June and July, concerns regarding the large numbers of adoptive families, including the Ethiopian child, staying at hotels and traveling throughout the city were expressed repeatedly by the Ethiopian government. Significant numbers of Ethiopian citizens have contacted the government with questions and more significantly with complaints.During a Joint Council presentation to adoption service providers from the United States, Italy and France, Joint Council addressed the very important issue of cultural sensitivities. All adoption service providers were strongly urged to refrain from utilizing hotels and restricting in-city travel for adoptive families. Supporting Joint Council’s recommendation was the Network (a large association of adoption service providers in Ethiopia).Most adoption service providers that recognized the issue of cultural sensitivity are following the recommendation. In fact some have instituted cultural sensitivity policies regarding lodging and in-city travel prior to the Joint Council recommendation. For example, increasing numbers of adoption service providers have established private guesthouses for adoptive families. Unfortunately not all adoption service providers have chosen to be proactive and implement cultural sensitivity policies. Just as unfortunately, many adoptive parents are insisting on staying at hotels and going shopping in Addis Ababa despite repeated requests from their adoption service provider, reputable advocates such as the Network and the Ethiopian government.It is essential that adoptive parents and adoption service providers demonstrate respect for the country in which they are respectively adopting and working. Without demonstrating respect for the country and its people, the adoptive family is in turn disregarding the culture of their child(ren). Similarly the adoption service provider is disrespecting the children they seek to serve.It is for these reasons and more that we urge adoption service providers to encourage adoptive parent to please refrain from staying in hotels and venturing out in public with their newly adoptive children. With respectful deference to cultural sensitivities in Ethiopia, to the Government of Ethiopia, and to the people of Ethiopia, Joint Council strongly urges all adoption service providers to immediately implement policies which incorporate the following principles. Adoptive parents are similarly requested to respect their child(ren), their birth country and culture and abide by the following principles and the policies of their adoption service provider.Cultural Sensitivity Principles and GuidelinesPrinciples1. All due care must be given to demonstrate cultural sensitivities towards the country, people and government of Ethiopia2. Full recognition of the questions, concerns, curiosities and suspicions must be given to the Government of Ethiopia and its citizens3. It is recognized that adopting an Ethiopian child is a ‘privilege of giving’ bestowed by the citizens and government of Ethiopia4. It is recognized that every Ethiopian child has a right to a family - every family does not have an inherent right to an Ethiopian child5. Actions and behaviors which may not appear to be offensive to U.S. adoptive parents, may in fact be extremely offensive to Ethiopian society6. Actions and behaviors seen as culturally insensitive damage the institution of intercountry adoption and thereby limit opportunities for children in need to find a family7. Actions and behaviors seen as culturally insensitive significantly contribute to the possible elimination of intercountry adoption in Ethiopia and thereby eliminate the right of every Ethiopian child to a safe, permanent and loving familyGuidelines1. Adoption service providers will incorporate these principles and guidelines into their contractual or policy relationships with potential adoptive families2. Adoption service providers will disclose the contractual or policy limitations related to cultural sensitivities to all prospective adoptive parents prior to approving an application from the prospective adoptive parents3. Prior to taking custody of their adopted Ethiopian child, adoptive families may reside in a hotel during their staya. It is recommended that adoptive families utilize Ethiopian Guest Houses or a lodging facility operated by an adoption service provider during their entire stay in Ethiopiab. Adoptive families who have not taken full custody of their adopted Ethiopian child may choose to utilize a hoteli. In such cases the adoptive parents may visit their adopted Ethiopian child daily at the child care center4. Upon taking custody of their adopted Ethiopian child, adoptive families will utilize Ethiopian Guest Houses or a lodging facility operated by an adoption service provider5. Adoptive families will refrain from in-country travel with their adopted Ethiopian childa. Exceptions to this guideline (#5) are limited toi. The visa appointment at the U.S. Embassyii. Other adoption related eventsiii. An emergency situation6. Adoptive families will refrain from pressuring their adoption service provider or in-country staff to violate these principles, guidelines and/or agency polices representing these principles and guidelines

I'm in the News!!!

Well my trial is at least!!!! It's so cool to have a news article to show off!!! I'm a govt attorney so they can't print my name without permission from DC, but it's still cool to know it was me who tried the case.....

Here's the article...

NLRB orders nurses rehired at Oak Lawn nursing home


October 17, 2008
BY MIKE NOLAN Staff writer
The owner of an Oak Lawn nursing home has been ordered to rehire three nurses fired earlier this year after they backed a union's efforts to organize employees at the facility.
A National Labor Relations Board administrative law judge also ordered Regal Health and Rehabilitation Center to begin contract negotiations with the Service Employees International Union.
Michael Lerner, president of GEM Healthcare, which operates Regal, said Thursday he would appeal the NLRB decision, which was released earlier this week.
The judge agreed with the union's assertions that Regal supervisors interrogated employees about union activities, threatened to blackball workers who engaged in union activities and unfairly fired three nurses because they supported the union's organizing efforts. Some employees were promised rewards if they spied on pro-union workers, according to the judge's decision.
The judge ordered that a notice spelling out key points of the ruling be posted inside the nursing home at 9525 S. Mayfield.
Lerner denied that workers were dismissed because of organizing activities.
"Absolutely not," he said.
At hearings earlier this year in Chicago on the union's charges, one nurse who was ultimately fired said her supervisor threatened her with termination if she joined SEIU. The supervisor told her that Lerner "would not tolerate the union and that anyone involved in the union would be terminated," according to the judge's decision.
The employees were fired in January and March, and the NLRB judge ordered Regal to reimburse them for any loss of earnings "suffered as a result of the discriminatory discharges

Statement of Reasons to Adopt

I completed mine. I thought it would be hard to write, but I finished and then had to shorten it to keep it on one page. Not sure if the agency will have edits, but I think it turned out well.

Today there was a bit of bickering on my adoption board. I backed out of it very quickly. I have to get over the feeling that because I'm single I should just be grateful that they accepted me. I don't want to rock the boat and have them say no because of it.

Don't get me wrong, my agency is great and have never done anything to make me feel this way, I just think all of those "no singles" i got from the domestic folks has made me overly appreciative of someone who said "yes". If that makes sense at all?

Mobile

Okay, I told myself I wouldn't do this, but I just couldn't resist. I purchased this mobile for Eden. It's so cute with her butterfly theme. I have to get things under control with the shopping. I set a budget, and I think I will stay under it, but it's so hard to keep track. These things just keep being delivered from Ebay and sometimes I don't even know how they got to my house :).

I WON

I just found out that I won a huge trial. The judge's decision was 71 pages, so that gives you some idea of how big a case this was. It lasted 6 days!!!!

The case involved a group of nurses who were fired for trying to start a union. They were all very excited to learn that they will soon return to work.

As for Eden, nothing new to report. I'm just in the paperchas and hoping that things go smoothly.

Revised Birth Certificate

The revised certificate finally arrived!!!!! Very happy that I can send in the i600 application tomorrow. Things are finally moving along. I still have at least two months before homestuday approval, but at least there is finally some movement.

2nd Home Study

The visit went well. She took a little background info and we discussed the expected completion date. It's looking like late December. The actual home visit will be on November 4th.

I finally ordered something from mamabargains, thanks for the heads up tami!!! I ordered a Jessica Messenger bag and saved about one hundred bucks. I really love a good deal. I have to relax on the spending though, the visa bill was not pretty this month.

Black Catholics

Last night I went to a small dinner for young black catholics and it was really nice. I met a woman who is doing a fellowship in pediatric infectious diseases. She and I ended up talking for about two hours. She volunteered to review Eden's medical report. I'm going to pay someone to look over the docs, but it's nice to have a second opinion as well. Apparently, there are only about one hundred docs who are in her specialty.

She and I got into a long discussion about innoculations and autism. I'm nervous about innocs but I also believe that we are responsible for oursleves and each other. I would never forego innoculations but I will do a revised schedule that does not combine the MMR. The new doc friend was telling me horror stories that she runs across from those who don't innoculate. Anyway, it was nice to pick the brain of an expert for two hours.

I have my second homestudy visit on Tuesday and I still do not have the birth certificate. I will call again on Monday, this is so frustrating.

One more

here's the other side of her nursery...i live in an old chicago house so the rooms aren't that big...

my baby pic

here's my baby pic that i'm posting according to robbin's tag request...i just snapped them with the camera so they're not great.....i think i was around 6 months but not really sure...i sort of look the same...